Student Nursing and the Human Life

Being a student nurse I have gotten to experience many things: Life, Death, Pain, Suffering, Welcomes, Goodbyes, Traumas, the Routine, the Unexpected, Vomit, Shit, Blood, other Substances you aren’t supposed to talk about, and the list could go on. Everyone asks “Oh! How is nursing school?” and expects me to have these surefire descriptions of the most stressful, painful, and exhausting time of my life, but are disinterested when I say “It’s good. I really like it.” You see, to the non-nursing side of the world, which a majority of people I talk to are not part of, they have their minds already made up of what nurses are and do. They think nursing school is a very valiant feat, and many claim they could never do it (which, to be honest…they couldn’t), but immediately start to glaze over when I explain the TAVR procedure patient I got to help with recovery and start to gag when I talk about having my entire hand in some guy’s abdomen packing his stomach wound. They don’t get it and, frankly, don’t care to.

To my benefit, I work in the Emergency Room, so I get to see and experience the stories of crazy, blood and guts, and pure madness that people love to hear about (and, grotesquely, I love to talk about). This is where people love to listen to my stories. They love to hear about the person that swallowed a razor blade, a toothbrush and a screw and nail, the person that got into a drunken bar fight and came in hitting and screaming, and the motor vehicle crash that brought in multiple trauma victims. However, most people do not want all the details of the story, they just want the beginning and the end. They don’t want to hear about the exhaustive attempts it took to run a code, the sweat rolling down your nose as you are doing your next round of compressions, the nurse who is caring for this patient trying to stay focused and not take the blame for this person’s dramatic turn for the worst, or the crying family members that don’t understand what is happening or completely why we are withholding compressions as the alarms are beeping and their loved one turns a deeper shade of bluish gray.

Though it is an extremely rewarding field of work, it is very trying on your mental health and personal power of will. Both as a student nurse and an Emergency Department employee, I’ve worked for countless hours without a break, a lunch, a trip to the bathroom, or even a thank you. I’ve held pressure on a bleeding wound while reaching for a pair of gloves because I tried to help the patient first and the family yelled at me for their loved one’s bleeding, as if, in any sense, it was my fault. I’ve walked into a patient’s room who is calling out for help, only to realize they soiled their bed and told me “Well if you would have came quicker!” Though nursing is an extremely rewarding field of work, and I am beyond ready to start practicing as a real nurse, human beings are weird, ungrateful, and expect way too much. I understand they are in a strange place, are in pain, and are suffering, but human kindness should never be lacking in any sense.

As a student nurse, I am paying for the clinical experience and time on the floor, working as a real nurse, without any form of compensation. I work the same hours as many of the nurses I am “shadowing” or “helping” during the day, but then have to come home and work on projects, homework, and preparation for the next day, all while trying to live my own life and keep myself sane. Nursing school is some of the most stressful times I have had in my life, but it is also some of the best. I have made great friends and still been able to keep track of the old, I have traveled, drank great beers, crossed things off of my bucket list, and many other things I would consider to be accomplishments. Though it is a hard and trying time, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I know that I will soon be a real nurse, in 101 days, actually (well, I’ll graduate then, NCLEX to follow!), and then I will be able to start the next part of my life and do the things I want. It has been a long road coming for me to achieve those initials after my name, but once I get there they will be there to stay. Though many of you will not understand the things I have seen or the things I have done, or will see and will do, hopefully you can understand human dignity, compassion, and respect. I may only be a student nurse now, but, in due time, I’m sure I will be the one that you ask for medical advice, ask for help, or may even have to rely on to take care of you down the road. So be kind, be appreciative, and be in awe of the human spirt and nature. It really is a wonderful thing.

 

                                                                                                                                                                Until then,

TSIR

Crimeny! 

So I realize that it has been literally 5 or so months since I last posted ANYTHING on this blog and I know that I said I was going to be a lot better at doing that as I now am living at home and do close to nothing with my life. Let's start at the beginning. Rather, let's start where I left off.

• I live in Assumption in my Grandpa Leroy's house by myself in the middle of the country and I ABSOLUTELY love it. 
• I have officially been accepted into St. John's College of Nursing in Springfield, IL and will begin their accelerated, 1-year program in August.
• I work at Monsanto in the bagging room, where I package 2,000+ pounds of seed to be shipped out to growers, suppliers, and buyers, and also worked in the physical lab where I did quality testing, helped in the germination room, ran the shaker room breaking down samples and other tasks that are extremely important and probably slightly confidential. 
• I still do not have a dog. With my schedule and my lack of being home it just would not be fair to him/her to be home alone all day.
• I still am not utilizing my cooking abilities in any way, except for rare occasions. Thanks to my wonderful parents who invite me into dinner every evening and allow me to eat lunch at their house during the week, I have yet to sharpen that skill.
• I am working on Bucket List things and craft projects. I have gotten quite a few things done, read a book or two (i need to be better at that), and tried to enjoy my time here. When you are insanely bored and do not have much to do with yourself, not to mention I live in the middle of nowhere and have minimal human interaction during my evenings off work, you tend to allow yourself to be a bum and just watch television and do other mind numbing things with no pants on. I could definitely use some stimulating conversations and things that actually make me think and allow my mind to be used and continually develop.

That brings me to some of my concerns I have with my upcoming enrollment at St. John's and my future. I haven't studied, refreshed, or learned any new "material" that is actually useful in months. While I am able to keep my math skills sharp by adding and subtracting pallet weights, guessing the number of units a lot will produce based on the number of bushels from that grower and batch, and guessing the weight of a bag of 40 units of beans based on its seed count, I have no other truly stimulating conversation or interaction. Sorry coworkers, but talking about the sandwich you had for lunch and the weather we are experiencing is doing absolutely nothing for me. Since we are being honest, I hate my job. It is boring, mindless work that I am only doing to get by and make some money before I start school. Sorry to anyone that may take offense to that, but name one other person in there that has had any real world experience and understands a different way of life than the Stonington they grew up in. 

I'm looking for a job for the summer. As the bagging season will end in the early spring and I will be "laid off" for the season, I will be needing a new job to occupy my time and hopefully benefit my bank account. 

So here is my latest mash of emotion and excitement. I am going to try and make this a regular thing. For real this time. So be prepared for my randomness, my out of the ordinary, and completely Wilson things. 

No Rulez!

It's starting to get REAL.

Oh boy. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of a time. I am in my very last class at Saint Louis University ever. Sadly, it is History 112: 1500-present and it is about as interesting as any other history class I have ever taken. Luckily, my teacher is hysterical, witty, and has an awesome red beard that makes me want to stay awake and pay attention. And he does a good job of making it interesting. Not to mention, once I reach the 93 points it takes to get an A...I WILL BE DONE! I'm hoping to be done by Tuesday of next week.

Anyways...things are starting to set in and get really REAL. Yesterday, my parents and my oldest sister Claire came down to St. Louis with my dad's truck and a trailer to load up all of my stuff from my apartment.

Wait, what?!?! 

Yes, as crazy as it sounds, I am officially moved out of my apartment (except for a few things to get me by) and then the utmost fun of finishing cleaning and packing stuff into my car before I head for home. 

Wait, home?!?!

Yes, again. Unfortunately (no offense Stonington and surrounding areas), I will be moving out of St. Louis to move back home to live out at my Grandpa Leroy's (I'm pretty sure my mom and I would stab each other if we lived together again. No offense. She agrees though). So, this time next week I will have made my last trip to St. Louis as a SLU student and St. Louis resident and will now have to refer to my actual home as my home, not "Oh, but I live in St. Louis." This is probably what is most bittersweet. Over the past 4 years, St. Louis has become my oasis and my home. The constant ability to do ANYTHING at any given time. The convenience of 24-hour stores, coffee shops that have real coffee, places to eat that aren't chains and have that unique twist you are wanting, not to mention the countless people that always keep any given day interesting. My friends from school will be nowhere close to me. Most are off to Grad School, volunteering, working their real jobs, or doing adventurous, cool things, while I will be working the same job I've had for the past year as a Tech at St. John's Hospital in Springfield, IL, living out in the country (with hopefully a new dog!!!! Shh...don't tell my mom!), and working to perfect the ability to cook for one person.

With my "gap year", I'm hoping to finally do the crafts and projects I have said I would do for years. I hope to cross off a multitude of items from my Bucket Lists (yes, lists). I'm hoping to prove the point that I could never move back home and happily live there. I'm hoping to learn to love and appreciate the quiteness of living alone in the country and being in what will always be "home". And I'm hoping to find the perfect Accelerated Nursing program to carry on what I know my future is intended for. 

And obviously get in great shape!

So as I take on this hiatus in my future by saving money, figuring out who and where I want to be, and getting my life back into shape (literally and physically), I hope you all are supportive and accepting of what is to come. I know it isn't what anyone expected and everyone has that urge to apologize for my situation (if you don't know it..I'll explain it in a future post once I have confirmation that I'm successfully a son of Saint Louis University), but I know it happened for a reason and that this year will lead to many great things and open many doors. 

So see y'all on the flip side! Who knows...maybe literally one day!

Until Then,

W

Hashtag grown?

As of lately, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and coming up to what I would call empty handed. My life is currently in quite a large rut and I don't know where it is headed. This worries me quite a bit, especially since I'm almost finished with my college career and have to face the real world in a few months. With a "dismissal" looming above my head and a degree I call less than fabulous, it is hard to say where I'm headed. Everyone tells me "Don't worry, it will all work out." or "You will be fine! Everything happens for a reason." Well yes, it does, but that isn't exactly helping my situation. And, apparently you cannot live your life by traveling to small town volleyball tournaments and winning the $40-50 1st place prize for the rest of your life. (Who decided this, AM I RITE?!) Don't get me wrong. I have great parents who will support me and help me deal with all this craziness. I have great family and friends that can offer me moral support and help me get through mentally, even on the bad days. And I have a great sense of power and will (not to mention sarcasm and optimism) that should help me to power through.

If none of this works out, I will start posting my Twerk Team videos on YouTube until I get picked up as a famous dancer. I'm still waiting on Survivor to decide that they want me for the next season (Come on Jeff Probst! Let's just be friends already!). Otherwise I really will go abroad to work and live for a few years of my life until I can decide what I want to do or a Nursing school accepts me. However, my parents think I should stay here and finish school before I go out and about and decide to never come back. After having worked for over a year in the hospital as a Nurse Tech at St. John's in Springfield, IL, I know that I am meant to be a nurse and that I'm pretty damn good at it. Heck, even today I helped clean and dress a girl's cut leg out of a makeshift First Aid Kit (great job SLU) and explained to her why it was still bleeding and what she needed to do for it. It is the things like this that truly make me hate (yes, hate) my situation. Everyone else is in or getting in to the jobs and the field they want, but here I am twiddling my thumbs welcoming people to campus ministry and living off of stale coffee and animal crackers. A certain somebody who talked to me on the phone yesterdays said that they are taking the next 6 months to work and dedicate their time to their thesis for their Master's Degree and working on themselves. They told me that I should start doing the same. Better said than done, but I'm going to try.

You only live once, so make it nasty and make it happen.

Until then,

Wilson

Where has all the time gone?

Oh my lovely people of society, I have officially finished my last final of my last semester of my last year of college (minus the 3 summer course I have to take...but shh! It isn't time for that talk). I have officially finished 4 successful years at Saint Louis University where I will graduate with a Bachelors of Art in Communications: Journalism and Media Relations. Yes, I know....such great achievements to be proud of and all of that noise. Please, hold the applause.

As I walked out of my last test with one of my my all time favorite teacher ever (Dr. Dan Kozlowski, aka Dr. Koz, aka Dokta Koz), I felt that little bit of nostalgia. The test went great and I think I did really well and my hand cramped up and it was so much writing and blah blah blah...it is over. But, I started thinking about my last 4 years of life and what I have done with them. I switched majors twice (one by force), I lost some amazing people, I gained countless acquaintances and made some noteworthy friends, I visited 4 countries (Mexico, Australia, New Zealand, and Ghana), and I truly figured out myself and who I am...at least I think.

I have grown and matured and also made many mistakes. I have changed so much about myself from who and where I was in high school, but I am very satisfied with where I have ended up. I have grown and kept an amazing beard, acquired an ungodly amount of T-shirts, Humphs cups, coasters, and stolen belongings, have kissed too many a few girls (sorry Mom), and have a horrible problem with trying to out drink someone else on a typical night out. Hey, things happen! But, I have also become a person that others aspire to be and look up to. I don't want to brag and say that people have told me that I'm an amazing person that will do great things, but I've heard it a time or two...or a lot. But still, I still have problems with fully accepting that. I still think I'm normal and that I'm not outgoing or personable or unique in ways. I struggle internally with a lot of situations and am known to start excessively sweating in my armpits to combat that, but I somehow still manage to have friends.

Growing up and experiencing college I have had a lot of ridicule, judgment, and extreme dislike for who I am and who I choose to be. But, that has not stopped me from being who I am. I'm not saying I brushed my shoulders off to all the haters, but I did. Coming to and experiencing college has opened up my eyes and expanded my worldview in ways that I cannot even describe. Before coming to college I had never met a real black person and had never met or known a real homosexual person, besides the ones from high school that dated older men and were extremely creepy. College has allowed me to experience and befriend people that fit both of these categories that have become amazing friends and allowed me to be more understanding and perceptive to the things I say and do. College has been the best experience of my life, no matter how much I hated it at times or did not specifically like SLU for various reasons. The city of St. Louis and this bout of independence I  have experienced and gained has changed me for the better and I will forever be thankful to my parents for allowing me to do and take this opportunity.

Thank you Saint Louis University for making my life, ruining my life, creating my future, changing my future. I will forever be a son of Saint Louis University and I will forever be a Billiken. I have no idea where my life is going and have no plans of making plans or settling down. Keep your eye on this blog and me because I have no idea what  I will be doing or where I will be going. Congratulations to all of my fellow seniors who are graduating, to all of my friends who have jobs and internships and volunteer opportunities, and to everyone else, happy summer! Don't judge me tonight when I'm hammered, dancing, singing, twerking, or stealing things. All the best...and

Until Then,

Wilson

Well it has been 9 days since my last post, but a lot has been accomplished. Hey! I said more regular, not scheduled regularly.

In Life these past 9 days:

• The St. Louis Cardinals won the National League Championship Series and are currently 1-0 in the World Series against the Texas Rangers.
• Julie & Mike McCourt had a beautiful baby boy named Riley Francsis McCourt. (I know...I liked Wilson Francis McCourt better too!) Both baby and Julie are doing well, hopefully out and about soon...keep them in your prayers.
• I survived the 10 midterms/finals/quizzes/practicums/papers that I had over the past two weeks (11 days actually). Yes, it was insane. I'm hopefully catching up on sleep this next week.
• Bryce and Eileen Fortner were married on Saturday, Oct. 15 and had a beautiful Billiken wedding.
• Steve Jobs, the inventor and creator of Apple, Inc., passed away from respiratory arrest due to his long battle with pancreatic cancer.
• I successfully passed two practicums which proved that my "Critical Skills" and "Medical Administration" skills are satisfactorily up to par.
• My Philosophy teacher is still just as delusional.
• No one close or relatively close to me or my family has passed away or suffered from severe illnes. #ItIsAboutTime

As Fall Break approaches, and I break my yearly tradition of visitng ISU over their homecoming weekend, life has finally slowed down. At this moment in time, I have no tests coming up. No papers to write. No things to plan or do. I have work today and tomorrow, and a clinical orientation tomorrow morning. I have a couple weekend desk shifts to attend, and one night I am on call. The highlight of my weekend is volunteering in the Medical Tent of the St. Louis Rock & Roll Marathon and Half Marathon. So that is where I will be, probably all day on Sunday. Look for me there, as I'm on the sweep team! We'll see how it goes, I get a free T-shirt!

Best,
Wilson

Long Time Gone

It has been a while since my last blog. In fact, it has been months since my last update, but it hasn't been for lack of desire or finess to write, it has been lack of commitment and "something worthy to write about." I struggle with writing something that I won't be judged for or writing something that means something to someone. But, truth be told, you can't please everyone. While this blog started off as a way to communicate with the homeland while studying abroad in Australia (or so I said, as I actually had started it beforehand as a "True Life: Blogger" movement I tried to pull off).
Overtime, having left Australia and no chance of returning for a long while, continuing my education here at Saint Louis University, pouring my brains out in the Pius XII Memorial Library night after night, have been a tough endeavor. This blog post in fact is now in part two, as the first time I wrote it and attempted to come back to it, it disappeared on me. All of my writing genius gone to waste. However, here I am...writing again. I, like a few others I know (you know who you are), turn to writing for comfort, an escape, to show off your talent(s), and/or the pure love of using words and creativity to make something great. Currently, I'm pretending to take notes in my Philosophy 105 class. The professor is semi-delusional and talks about Meat, Alcohol, Naked Greek men wrestling each other, and other "philosophical" topics. Long story short, I'm not a fan of this class, but I get other stuff done when I don't pay attention. Hence...this blog.
I hope this blog becomes a semi-regular experience. While many other things that I enjoy in life have dissipated due to my extensive school/work/other load, I hope that writing is still able to be a part of it, regardless of how or what the topic is.

So here is my official re-Kick Off to my blog. I'm no longer in Australia, but my life is still just as interesting. Well, at least I like to think so. Jordan, you tried to get me to do this a while ago and I claimed I would. If you are reading this...here I am! Julie--Even though your baby is coming and you might not even know that much about my blog...I'm writing again.

Best to you all.

Until Then,

Wilson