There You'll Be

So this isn't really what I had planned to have my next post be about, but it is a huge part of my life that cannot be ignored. Don't worry, I'll blog tomorrow (possibly) about more Aussie type stuff.

Every morning, I wake up and wish you were here...

   A year ago today (in Central Standard Time), I would have been in St. Louis, MO, studying chemistry in the Reinert ballrooms. Telling myself this semester I was going to do great things and get those outstanding grades I deserved. I went to bed later that evening, woke up at 7am Wednesday morning and went for a 5 mile run. I came back to my room in Reinert Hall, showered, finished up some last minute homework, and decided to check my email. Luckily, to my surprise, I had two emails from the person I admired most and hadn't talked to in a while, my Gramma. She sent me two of those corny forwarded emails, of course to me and a number of other people, with an explanation of how it was "...cute..." and stuff. I replied to her that morning, and then had to go off to my morning classes. I did the usual, Theology and then off to Chemistry...
   In Chemistry, I got a phone call from my Dad's cell phone. I ignored it and replied "I'm in class!!!" since I knew that they had just arrived to Florida, figuring they were calling to tell me about the nice weather and stuff they were having. He replied "Call me anyways" as pure as day. I ignored it until I got out of class at 10:51 am Wednesday morning, and called my dad. My mom answered and I was happy and expecting a "Hi we made it to Florida" phone call, but instead I got the worst news I have ever heard. I was on my way to my next class, and my mom said the 5 most painful, god awful words I have ever heard "Wilson, Gramma died this morning." I dead stopped in the middle of campus, someone behind me crashed into me.
   Life since then has never been the same. Looking back, life with her will forever be cherished. I still remember to this day the first time I ever watched the movie "Pearl Harbor" with her and Sammy. Halfway through the movie, at the end of the first VHS tape, I claimed I didn't feel well, when really the movie was just too graphic and I was scared. She had me sit on the couch next to her, smelling like laundry, hand creme, and soap, and I leaned into her sobbing away. Now, I can't watch "Pearl Harbor" without crying. I watched it last night and cried multiple, multiple times. I know the story is about two guys who have a lifelong friendship that fall in love with the same girl. Oh, and war, but for some reason I relate it to her. Every line, scene plot, and character reminds me of her. The song "There You'll Be" by Faith Hill, the soundtrack to the movie, is exactly how I feel about her. "...and everywhere I am, there you'll be."
   As I said in her eulogy, the hardest speech I've ever given (besides the line in my graduation speech, in which I teared up when I looked up and saw her face when I talked about her) "My Gramma always told me she loved me, my Gramma always told me she was proud of me, my Gramma was always there for me." "My Gramma will always love me. My Gramma will always be proud of me. My Gramma will always be there for me."

Gramma, I love you and I miss you, and life will never be the same without you.

...and every night, I go to sleep with one hand open for you to hold.

Until that day,

Wilson